By Linda Erskine
If I want to learn a new language, I have to do a number of things to become proficient at it. I can’t just do a 20-minute lesson once a week and hope to become fluent. I need to do the lesson, practice each day, seek out reading materials, websites or speakers of that language to practice reading and listening. I could visit events held in that language and maybe, eventually, visit the country where I can only speak that language. By immersing ourselves in a language we become truly proficient.
If I want to teach someone a sport, e.g. football, I have to do a number of things for them to become proficient. I need to show them how to play football, take them to watch a football game, teach them how to kick the ball, explain how the ball is made & why. I would help them build fitness, teach them strategies, teach them the rules of the game, the history of it and how it has changed over the years as well as the important people and players who have made an impacted. I would teach them to love the game, to make it a priority.
Likewise, our faith doesn’t just happen accidentally. We need to invest our time and energy in a variety of areas for it to grow and flourish.
The same is true for nurturing our children. Children learn by what they see. If we are passionate about our faith and raising godly children, then we need to be intentional about discipling our children. We can’t expect a 20-minute lesson each Sunday, or the sole efforts of the Children’s Minister, to grow them as Christians. It isn’t someone else’s job to do that. It is primarily our job as parents. Of course, we need the support of other Christians to help us along the path, but it is ultimately our responsibility. We need to intentionally pray for our children and their faith, talk to them about our own faith, read the Bible together, pray together, say grace together, meet with other Christians, learn more about the basis of our faith – the theology and the evidence for it.
Intentional relationships
It is important to find like-minded Christians to share life with. The influence of the world’s way of thinking is incredibly pervasive and so it’s good for both parents and children to have like-minded friends for the journey. The church is our greatest asset in this! Look around you at other families, singles and couples in the church and cultivate friendships. Encourage your children to befriend other children. Maybe even seek out families that have older children to see what the next stage might look like for your family. Talk to older people in the church who have raised godly children and seek their wisdom. When my children were teenagers, we intentionally mentored young adults in a local Christian growth program to enable them to see what living one’s faith could look like as a young adult.
Intentional activity
Make church a priority for the whole family. If we are regularly excusing ourselves from attending church or other faith community activities, then our children will learn from us that church and fellowship with other Christians isn’t that important. Like with sports and other learning, discipleship is a commitment and labour of love for parents. So, drive the kids to 6pm church or youth group, even if you are tired! Or why not carpool with other families to share the load, and your kids can keep building their relationships on the way. This can be trickier where only one parent is Christian but it is worth making the effort wherever possible.
Intentional talk
Dinner time is a great opportunity to engage in family discussions about life and what is happening in the world. During these discussions we can be teaching our children that the Bible and our Christian faith is relevant today. Tough topics can be scary, but they are usually the most important to engage with. I studied a little bit of theology and would share with my kids interesting things I learnt or read in the Bible. Every now and then I would also spend one on one time with my kids to check in on how they were going spiritually. As life happens, let’s be ready to pray with our kids when matters arise. Let’s also be ready to seek forgiveness if and when we wrong them. Talking with my adult daughters, I was surprised when they said that being real and asking forgiveness when needed was one thing which really helped them to see my faith in action.
Above all - pray! Lots! Pray for wisdom for yourself, for your child’s growth as a Christian and for God’s guidance in their life.
Checking off these actions is no guarantee that your child will remain a Christian the whole of their lives, and I don’t mean that we should wear ourselves out with constant activity. However, choose carefully what things are important for all of life and eternity, and make those a priority. By doing so we give our children the best possible chance.
We love giving our children experiences of travelling the world, but we also want them to have compassion for the world.
We love helping our children get fit and enjoy sport, but we also want them to have Christian friends.
We love helping our children learn and achieve at school, but we also want them to know the truth about Jesus Christ and to trust in him.
We aren’t perfect parents, but we are encouraged to make our faith a priority, and I have learnt that God honours our prayers and our feeble attempts.
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up… Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.”
- Deuteronomy 6:5-9
“Start children off on the way they should go,
and even when they are old they will not turn from it.”- Proverbs 22:6